To be human is to be self-conscious, so it’s only natural that we wonder where we came from. Some people take this to extravagant lengths, forking over hundreds of dollars to get DNA tests and little computer printouts that link them to heroic historical figures. I’ve always been a bit too cynical and too cheap to take things this far, so until now, my heroic historical relatives have existed solely in my imagination.
This nice illusion was shattered recently when my uncle forwarded along some insight into my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather John Mentz, who hailed from the town of Wawarsing in Ulster County, New York. According to a pretty reputable sounding account, John was walking in the woods one fateful day in 1778 with his father-in-law and his father-in-law’s younger daughter when they came across two Indians who were looking for trouble. Apparently Mentz and this one Indian didn’t get along too well, on account of a quarrel they’d had about a dog, so Mentz and the girl took off running with the Indians in pursuit. The pair reached a 20-foot precipice, at which point my relative supposedly bid the fair maiden adieu and jumped to save himself. He later returned to the scene with a relief party to collect his companions’ mutilated bodies.
The biological implications of this cowardly act make the story very difficult for me to absorb. My knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to feel a bit shamed. The whole thing is so anti-heroic it becomes almost humorous. I mean, damn, John, you could have at least pushed the girl off first so you would have had a soft landing.
But at the same time, how can I argue with an act that may have insured my very existence? The term “survival of the fittest” is often misattributed to Charles Darwin and used to sum up his theory of evolution. But the term doesn’t accurately convey the idea of natural selection. Darwin never suggested that only the strong, or the brave, or the physically powerful survive; rather, a more accurate synopsis of evolution would be “survival of the fit enough.” Oftentimes, small, sneaky, and smart trumps strong. Sometimes cowardice trumps bravery.
I don’t know how to reconcile my two competing emotions, nor can I square all this with the noble ideas of courage and honor that John Mentz’s contemporary relatives at least aspire to embody. But I do like complicated stories and this one’s complicated. And I do like the idea that the next time somebody tells me they forked over $300 to learn that they were a distant relative of Abe Lincoln (a man of great tolerance and strong disposition), I’ll be able to shoot back that I paid nothing to learn that I’m related to John Mentz (a man with a great tolerance for heights and really strong ankles).
I’d welcome your own philosophical musings about natural selection here, or if you’d like to share your own embarrassing story about a distant relative, by all means chime in.